I Am So F**king Tired

I am so fucking tired.

I am so tired of being tired.

I am so tired of being so tired that I go to bed at 8:30 p.m., only to lie awake for hours in the middle of the night.

I am so tired of not having time with my spouse to actually enjoy each other or talk about things other than the pandemic.

I am so tired of mitigating risk by the hour.

I am so tired of internally debating whether my kids’ response to something is pandemic-related or not.

I am so tired of selfish people.

I am so tired of dumb people.

I am so tired of lazy people.

I am so tired of being angry.

I am so tired of feeling so much rage toward strangers.

I am so tired of my kids.

I am so tired of my kids not being able to get a vaccine.

I am so tired of talking about new variants.

I am so tired of drinking to quell the pain.

I am so tired of living in “Groundhog Day.”

I am so tired of saying, “That’s it, I’m done,” only to, of course, not actually be done.

I am so tired of worrying about long COVID-19 and what we don’t know.

I am so tired of working from home and being interrupted by inane questions from my kids.

I am so tired of looking in the mirror and seeing how much this has all aged me.

I am so tired of living day to day.

I am so tired of planning vacations in my head, only to know we won’t be able to safely take them for a while.

I am so tired of witnessing the world burn and knowing my kids’ futures are in jeopardy.

I am so tired of watching this country fold into itself.

I am so tired of worrying these kids will never be able to read or write or do math at the level they should be able to.

I am so tired of worrying that, years from now, the social and emotional repercussions will affect all these kids in innumerable ways.

I am so tired of having a lack of support — not from my spouse or family, but from society as a whole.

I am so tired of not having a game plan to get out of this … or to have one, only to have so many people ignore it.

I am so fucking tired.